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For 18 years, these two definitions clashed in my mind, so I denied being a slave. The impulse to offer myself completely to another person is too overpowering to resist. My first experience with kinky sex happened at As he cut off my air supply, waves of an intense orgasm coursed through my body. I remember the initial, instinctive fight to live, as my body felt on the brink of oxygen-deprivation.

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Kink isn't always colourblind. Photo by Flickr user Stephanie Lawton. For as long as I can remember, certain sexual acts were deemed "freaky white people shit" by the vast majority of my black female friends. From my earliest memories of teenage slut-shaming as a Toronto high school student, it was agreed upon in our young black and brown minds that white girls were the only ones who engaged in oral sex, for example.

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Those who have loved and dated across the color line have to negotiate the realities of race in our society, and by extension, its impact on their relationships. For many, this is done through explicit conversations. For others, these dialogues come implicitly, through gestures, and taken for granted shared assumptions.